Don't dwell on it

So, today's well meaning advice to the infertile has a few variations:
"Don't dwell on it."
"Just relax and it will happen."
"If it is supposed to be then it will be."
There are other variations, but I actually heard these today from a well-meaning family member.

Well, I agree, if it is meant to happen then we will have children.  I don't know what God's will is for my family yet.  I don't know how this journey will end.  I do know that God is with me and knows my pain. 

I wish I could relax.  Life is stressful without having to deal with fertility issues.  I am a full time employee, full time student, active with my church, and active with our family.  On top of that I have to deal with the agony every month of not being pregnant.  I have to figure out how to use my vacation/sick time in order to go to doctor's appointments.  I have to figure out how to deal with paying for all these fertility procedures. 

I wish I could STOP thinking about it. I am reminded EVERY SINGLE DAY that I have fertility issues.  I take medication every day.  Then if I don't get my monthly, I have to take medicine to make that happen.  Then, I have to count X-number of days after I start so I can take another pill.  Then, I have to count X-number of days so I can start urinating on a stick and then go to the doctor for blood work to see if I ovulated.  I have to count so many days so I can make sure I have "intercourse".  Due to the medication I take every day, I have to really watch my diet or I will be sick.  We do not want to make too many future plans because in essence our life is on hold.  Everything I do, is based upon trying to have a baby.  I take alternate routes in Walmart so I don't have to look at the baby section.  I find myself changing the channel when baby shows come on the TV.  I will myself to stop thinking about it, but still can't. 

Still hoping for our miracle.

I know you are trying to help, but...

This blog is entitled "our infertility journey".  No fancy titles here.  Unfortunately, when you are dealing with infertility life is a roller coaster ride...there are some peaks and valleys, but mostly you are just holding on for whatever comes next.

So many well-meaning people try to give us fertility-challenged folks some advice. Over the next few days I will be talking about the top things I have heard.

Today's advice to the childless:
"Well, with all the bad in the world today, it is probably better to NOT have children."

Seriously?  Were you thinking, "oh wow...the world is so bad, we should not have kids" when you first learned that you were expecting?  Most likely not.  Yes, I realize that the world pretty much sucks right now.  I realize that there is poverty, war, disease, financial crisis, etc.  All of those things do not decrease my desire to have a child.  I know you are just trying to make me feel better, but really, that is not something I want to hear.  I would rather you just say nothing.  Tell me that you are praying for us.  Tell me that you can't imagine my pain.  Tell me that you will be there for me.